Time Out Magazine-The Best of Chinatown

Why hello all! It has been such a whirlwind couple of weeks, you know, with only looking forward to eating every single day. I have been so busy looking forward to food that I haven't had time to update this! So now, I have a special treat.

Tonight, I decided to attend a very intimate and trying-too-hard-to-be-trendy foodie event by Time Out Magazine-New York called the Best of Chinatown, in which 7 different places located in Chinatown/had Asian influence I suppose (even though the event was in Noho/Soho-same thing) battled it out for first place as the rest of us measly folks stuffed our faces and voted. I felt so important doing this let. me. tell. you.

In honor of this event, I will count down my favorites, from least to best, and also explain a little bit about each place and the food I ate. It's about to get reallll serious in here guys, all joking ASIDE.

7. Mamak. I probably pronounce that wrong. You all do too, don't even lie.
So Mamak is relatively new to the food truck ring. It mostly is located in Brooklyn (hipsters love their cultural gems) and in Manhattan. It offers food with Malaysian and Indian inspired dishes, which to me meant it contained curry. I'm so amazingly cultured, I know. I'm sorry to say, but curry is quite possibly my least favorite food on the planet, next to artichokes. Artichokes alone (not with a dip or mixed with cheese on a pizza) make me want to vomit, curry I can only have in small doses. The strong flavor just does not mesh well with me, and that is the only way I can explain it without sounding like a complete idiot. Anyways, what they served was a Chicken Rendang Curry, which contained chicken in some type of curry seasoning, premium jasmine rice, a hard boiled egg, pineapple achat, sambal chili, papadum, & seedless cucumber. Basically, I have no idea what any of what I just said means except for the hard boiled egg and rice. Just rice, not premium jasmine. But what do you expect, I was at a "foodie" event. So since this was number 7, I really just didn't like it because of the curry. But let me give them props where they are due, because in comparison to all the other vendors, they really gave a TON of food. They even had samplings of some curry puff which I actually liked, so I expect good things from them.

6. Mimi and Coco. Their slogan is "Japanese Street Food-New York Style." Isn't this supposed to be the Best of Chinatown? It should be called the Best of Asia with a New York influence, because I'm pretty sure I only ate one authentically historic Chinese dish. With everyone trying so hard to be politically correct, they are truly messing this one up. But moving along, they served Teriyaki Balls, which honestly didn't taste like Teriyaki. Maybe I'm too used to Americanized Japanese, who knows anymore. So anyways, these Teryiyaki balls are supposed to be a New York version of a Japanese comfort food called Takoyaki, and had fillings of shrimp, ORGANIC potato (foodie hipster event) and country sausage. I went with shrimp, because what the hell do you mean by country sausage when this is inspired by New York City? And I'm not an organic kind of girl. So eh, bleh, meh, it wasn't anything special to me. Did I feel comfort? No. Probably because I'm used to Ammurican comfort foods, because let's be real, who can compete with that?

5. Nom Wah Tea Parlor. Guys, this is authenticity at its finest. And I realllly wanted this to be my favorite, but sigh, having a Best of Chinatown with only one true Chinatown establishment diminishes this place in the competition for the best of the best. Really it should make it the best of the best, simply on the principle that it is TRUE CHINATOWN since 1920's NYC. But no, I had other options and sometimes I fall for gimmicks so this wasn't picked. Nom Wah Tea Parlor was the very first Dim Sum parlor established in NYC located on Doyers Street, which back in the day was a hardcore place for street battles for the Gangs of Chinatown. Today, it is still standing amongst the crowd as one of the best places to get real, true Cantonese Dim Sum. What they served was one small Shrimp Sui Mai. Ya know, I have to hand it to them for their simplicity. They have no gimmick, no trying-too-hard-to-be-trendy thing going on. They know who they are, and they have stuck with it. For that, I give them a round of applause. The Shrimp Sui Mai was delicious, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't awestruck by it. But perhaps that's the point. Either way, they land at number 5. And I'd check them out again simply for their historical merit. Oh, and the fact that they are really located in Chinatown.

4. Outer Borough. Reps the hood of Queens. That's funny, since they are located in BROOKLYN. Since they attend SMORGASBURG. Maybe ya'll are from Queens, but you can't be making people go to hipster town when Queens is the only genuine place left in this city. Give it a little love! It'll love you back, I promise. Ok, so they also attend LIC Flea and are from Flushing. I guesss I can forgive them for showing Brooklyn some love. Sigh. Just for that they should be number 7, but I actually liked what they served so. They describe themselves as serving Taiwanese Comfort Food, but again, I didn't feel comforted. They served a Shaved Ice that included Green Tea Ice cream, condensed milk (as the shaved ice part), with red beans and peanuts on top. Pretty standard Chinese dessert, I'll give them that (I'm really not as picky as I sound). It was refreshing after all the meat I ate, so kudos to them. I always wish the Queens people success.

Already half eaten. But gets the point across.

3. Empies. This place is an empanada company located in. wait for it. QUEENS. But...empandas you say? That food is NOT Chinese. This isn't my fault guys. I was expecting authentic Chinese. But is anything authentic in New York anymore? Let's leave that as a rhetorical question. Anyways, I suppose they were chosen for this since they have a delectable Asian-influenced empanada called the Flushtown, in honor of Flushing, Queens (basically the second China of the world). It included bulgogi, a type of scrumptious beef, mozzarella cheese, and kimchi. I loveee me some empanadas, so although this only had ingredients that were Asian, I thought it was great. Queens it where my heart is.

2. Hong Kong Street Cart. This cart is inspired by Asian influences, and usually is at various other food events like Madison Square Eats and such. They served the Pork Belly Bun. Pork Belly buns are always delicious. No matter what, no matter where, I thoroughly enjoy them. I had the true ones at Momofuku, and although those are top notch, these definitely came in a close second. They include braised pork belly, hoisin sauce, thinly sliced cucumber, and chopped scallions in a cute little bun. Good stuff my friends. If you don't try it here, go to Momofuku. David Chang won't be let down.

Numero Uno

That's right ya'll. Ay ay ayyy. Colombian wins! America reigns supreme! This is truly not a democracy for this place to exist at a Best of Chinatown event. It's located in the Lower East Side. I feel awful even having them here. But I liked it. No, I loved it. And they WERE at the event, so they won. The people handing out the food were my favorites as well. Ugh the world is truly not fair. and THIS is why New York City has no authenticity anymore. Guess that question wasn't rhetorical. Regardless, if you can't beat em, join em. So I joined, and consumed this:

Hot dogs with chili, mac and cheese, and fritos. WHAT!?

Let's not get carried away here, I didn't eat all three. Just one was good enough to fill my needs.

Guys, I fell for a gimmick. A hipster, no good, not-even-inspired-by-real-Asian-food gimmick. I am so disappointed in myself. Only a fool wouldn't choose a real Chinese place to win number one in a Best of Chinatown competition, but Time Out created this mess! So blame the starters! I simply went for the tastings and beer. And for something to write about. Really what I'm trying to say is, if you want real Chinese, go to Nom Wah Tea Parlor. Actually, go to Flushing. Go to Queens. That's where the authenticity remains.

Amurrica: Land of the Free, Home of the Twinkie

Happpy birthday America!!! What a special day it is, where we get to celebrate a country known for it's fried foods and processed goods! Where men stuff their faces with twinkies because we gained freedom from the Brits! Where there is a contest on Coney Island that celebrates how many hot dogs one can eat in 10 minutes! (Last year Joey Chestnut chowed down on 68 dogs and buns within that timeframe. AMAZING!) Oh yes, Amurrica is a very special country indeed. In honor of this great holiday (wave your flags and wear your red, white, and blue) I've decided to count down my top 5 favorite classic American foods OF ALL TIME. The foods I am including will be universally American, rather than sticking to one part of the country. (Such as Philly cheese steaks, New England Clam Chowder, or Maryland Crab Cakes. All American, all I love, but only delcious in specific parts of the country). My country tis of theeee.

5. Macaroni and Cheese: Although one could say this is very southern since it is the ultimate comfort food, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is practically an American gift to the world. I personally like the cheese whizzy flavor of velveeta more, but what's the difference. They are both so good for my soul! My personal favorite? Amy Ruth's in Harlem. Please, try it. It's like crack (except crack is awful for you and I've never tried it). You may never like another Mac and Cheese dish again. Thomas Jefferson discovered a similar noodle dish on a trip to Europe, brought it back to the US as macaroni pie, and wala! That's about as Independance Day as it gets. I feel more patriotic just discussing this dish!

4. Apple Pie (a la Mode): Apples. Pie. Johnny Appleseed (remember this fellow?) I scream for Ice cream. Again, this is truly Amurrica at it's finest. Fatty, milky, crusty substance with a little health thrown in through using apples. The warm ice cream over the microwaved apple pie is a gourmet delight! Only the best in Applebee's. I could eat this dessert all day long. But really, I only have it during Thanksgiving. I'm as American as they come.

3. Fried Chicken: Again, this food is mostly a southern comfort, but everyone everywhere can eat and make fried chicken. Hello KFC and Popeyes! This goes great with Mac and Cheese and other unhealthy side dishes, a true representation of what America is. This dish with waffles, OMG. Heart attack on a plate, and worth every single bite. Pies n Thighs in Brooklyn makes a mean fried chicken, you know, if you don't want the fast food versions. But this is America! So stick to the fast food.

2. Corn Dogs: Hot dogs wrapped in cornmeal and fried!? I LOVE THIS COUNTRY. This is my guilty pleasure. When I want to be really unhealthy like a true American hero, I eat these. And cherish every bite. A little mustard, and this reformed hot dog on a stick is better than a hot dog that isn't fried! I love getting these gems out of small trucks at ghetto carnivals on the side of the road that probably haven't been cleaned since 1776. YUM.

1. Peanut Butter: And the winner is-PEANUT BUTTER. I bet you thought it would be hamburgers, or ribs, or hot dogs without the cornmeal. Let me tell you, I have been in love with this food since I was a young child. Obsessed really. Reeses peanut butter cups, bananas and peanut butter, apples with peanut butter, peanut butter sandwiches (without jelly), peanut butter ice cream, you could eat it with anything! I love it all!!! I could eat it all day every day, and I mostly do. I have bread with peanut butter every single morning of the week for breakfast, and it never gets old.

Now I'm going to go off, dress like an American flag, and eat so much food that I won't be able to move. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Pizza in the Morning, Pizza in the Evening

"Pizza at supper timeeee. Whennn pizza's on a bagel you can eat pizza anytimeee"

Disclaimer: My favorite type of pizza is definitely NOT in the form of a bagel. But I just love doing cheesy segways into what I'm going to discuss. DEAL WITH IT.

Pizza is a food that is near and dear to my tender heart. It is universal, for even all you vegetarians and vegans (with cheese made without milk...eck) can enjoy a nice slice every once in a while. While I didn't want to sound like a "pretentious foodie" in my last entry, I may very well sound like one here. I AM VERY OPINIONATED ABOUT PIZZA. And if you don't like pizza, I smite you. Because then you must not enjoy life at all.

Any who, let's talk about pizza, baby. Every state in the US has some type of pizza, whether it comes in the form of Dominos and Pizza Hut (guess how I feel about these), frozen pizzas (my opinion is not positive), or classic Chicago Deep dish pies, brick oven, California Style, Sicilian, and the COLOSSUS OF CLOUT (the Collossus of Clout): NY Style thin crust Pizza. My taste buds are salivating. Is my biased-NY-attitude-driven-opinion making you ponder what I feel is the best of the best?! Fine. But don't worry, I realize the name of the game is giving all sides to the tale. Luckily, I've tasted many different pizzas from many different places. So hereeee weeee goooo (this blog is turning into a game show).

California: Here's where all you vegetarians and vegans can eat your hearts out in salad pizza land. California pizza always uses fresh, quality blah blah let's-forget-about-the-calories ingredients kind of deal. Anyone who has been to California Pizza Kitchen has eaten a slice of this kind of pie, and ya know what, it's not terrible. You know why? Because it combines the influence of the GREAT NY thin crust pizza with their own we-are-hippy-Californians-toppings (Disclaimer: I love California and its people. Tonight I just sipped on a little haterade). So really, this is just NY pizza with veggie tales on top. Which you could also get in NY. But ok, I'll move forward.

Chicago: Deep-dish. Buttery, saucy, cheesy, gooey love. Often times, the battle for the best pizza comes between Chicago and NY. I know where my allies lie. But when I went to Chicago, I gave this kind a hearty go get-em try at Lou Malnati's. I also know of Gino's East, Uno's (which, again, you can eat in NY), and Giordano's. Hearty is really the key word here. There's just SO MUCH GOING ON I couldn't possibly eat this meal every week. It's so thick, so filling, so, well, deep as the name says. So I'm sorry Chicago, although this tasted delicious for an evening, my mouth does not want this party all the time.

Honorable mentions:
-Ohio has decent pizza I can stand to eat. WHAT? The land of the Buckeyes, farms, and the Amish has pizza I don't hate on!? Yes, and it goes by the name of Dewey's Pizza. Which also has locations in Missouri and Kentucky, so I guess I could live there too. Although it only comes in the form of specialty pies, my eyes never watered with disgrace. And that, my friends, is a good sign.
-Washington DC has a chain called Jumbo Slice Pizza, and OMG people it's amazing. And huge. Again, this pizza is basically a paled down comparison of NY style soooooo. We win again.

Here's a Jumbo Pizza selfie of myself before selfies existed

-Connecticut is known for other things besides rich people and poor cities. I know, it blew my mind too. Frank Pepe's Pizzeria, located in New Haven, is pretty much the king of kings when it comes to brick oven, Napoletana pizza. Although I have never had pizza from this specific location, I have had amazing brick oven pizza that is similar (but probably not as good or famous) from my local hood called Sal's. The Clams Casino Pie is what they are known for, and my goodness thinking about it makes me wanna dance with somebody. Let me tell you this: the only pizza that tickles my fancy besides NY Style is brick oven. CONGRATS for 2nd place!!!

So surprise! NY wins this round of pizza games. I am now ravenous and tired from thinking about pizza. Sigh. I didn't mention Jersey pizza because, well, nothing memorable comes from Jersey. Ok I'll be nice, their pizza is the closest to NY (because they want to be us). I have pretty much eaten every type of pizza in every form over every NY county. And yes, I have tried Grimaldi's (no slices and only pies makes me weary). The Ginos, the Ray's, the Joe's, the thisa and a thata. And 1 dolla Slice (drunken nights make you forget about quality). Not Roberta's, not Juliana's (which is the place where the original Patsy Grimaldi is), and a slew of other well known locals. Valentino's in Queens has an amazing Buffalo Chicken slice, (SJUU!) and Pizza Suprema by Penn Station (probably the best pizza in the area in my humble opinion) has a great sicilian slice. Artichoke Pizza has the slice of the name, and I love love love it. Every topping you can imagine can be put on pizza in NY, and we all know how I love me a variety of toppings. (Eggplant, Taco, Salad, Chicken Parm, lasagna!) That can't be done elsewhere. So take the loss every other state! And Pizza Hut, Sbarros, Cici's, etc. Stop producing crap. NY Reigns Suprema.