Fresh 2 Def - Inside the World of Weekly Meal Kits

Food so hard

Happy New Year ya'll, Foodie Falz is backkk! After a long hiatus in a food coma, I have returned to my glory. Obviously, the food coma consisted of many things that were clearly not worth blogging about. But I come bearing gifts a plenty, because Foodie Falz has officially ventured into the vast world of online weekly cooking meal plans, dinner kits if you will. What is this vast world you ask? Is it somewhat like diet meal plans? Have I enrolled in NutriSystem and let my gluttony know no bounds? Is Jenny Craig my new meal plan of choice? No, no, and no. Or else I wouldn't know who I am anymore.

This wondrous world that I am speaking of are online food services that you subscribe to that put together various meals each week and then deliver these weekly meal kits with the exact portion of each ingredient so that one can cook and learn new recipes. Blue Apron and Plated currently seem to be the most popular websites for this, but I was able to try out HelloFresh, for just ONE dolla dolla bill yall, which seems to be more new to this industry.

My motto

You see why I do things? Cheap. Otherwise I probably never would've tried these services, but don't pay attention to that. To piggyback off that, all have relatively similar prices for these meals per week, ranging from $50-$145 with free delivery for 3-4 meals, depending on whether you want vegetarian or meat options, as well as whether the meal will feed two or four people. HelloFresh only had a 3 meals per week option to feed two people, but I know Blue Apron and Plated do things a bit differently as far as their options go. I would discuss more of the differences between each, but I've only tried one. And needed a new blog entry so this obviously couldn't wait. Again, I fail as a critic. Usually, HelloFresh is about $65 per week, but this is when you aren't lucky enough to get it for ONE dolla. See what happens when you have a blog? Deals. Andd the fact that most of these websites offer up these deals because they want people to try them out and stay hooked on the subscription every week. Which is exactly what this deal made me do, minus staying hooked.

And now for what you have all been waiting for, the food itself.  Or for this to end? Let's hope not. With the HelloFresh Classic Box, they allow you to choose 3 meals from 5 different choices. I went with the Seared Cod with Sauteed Swiss Chard and Quinoa, Herb Crusted Pork Chops with Roasted Carrots and Parsnips, and the One-Pot Mexican Quinoa. I'm fancy huh. And full of quinoa. I will now proceed to rate them from my least favorite to the most delectable, as well as my thoughts on cooking these random recipes and foods that I've never had before. A learning experience indeed.

3. The first dish I attempted to make, which just happened to be my least favorite, was the seared cod. The ingredients consisted of the following: Cod, Cumin, Coriander, Lemon, Swiss Chard, Chili Flakes, Garlic, Quinoa and Olives.

Hello, you fresh ingredients you.

That little booklet you see gave a step-by-step guide on what to do first and so on. So it really is a fun cooking lesson, and every recipe was in the easy range. Of course, when I see ingredients I've never cooked before, I become completely befuddled and take a ridiculously long time to complete the meal. And so that happened here. Personally, I needed a bit more detail in the directions, but maybe that's just me. The world may never know.

Pro-fessional

As you can see, to start I chopped everything up. And attempted to zest a lemon. Here's where google comes in handy, because if you've never zested, how are you supposed to just magically learn how!? Yeah, mention how directions, because even an experienced foodie like myself has no idea how to do most things related to food. I had also never cooked quinoa before, because again, so experienced in what the food trends are. It's not like I make Sunday sauce like an old Italian lady or anything. I added the olives with the lemon juice and the "zest" to the quinoa. Cod is also a fish I have never messed with, and I hate cumin and coriander, because my taste buds aren't multicultural. But I seasoned it anyways and followed through. Once I did the this and the that, and figured out what the hell swiss chard tasted like with garlic and a tinyy bit of chili flakes, my meal was complete. Was it the best thing I ever ate? Not even close, but I enjoyed the process and it's nice that I now still don't know how to zest well. Also, the spices were a bitt overwhelming on the fish, as I found for the next meal as well.

Finite.

2. Although the Herb Crusted Pork Chops was technically the third dish I made, so clearly I became a pro, it wasn't my favorite. And I realllly believed it would be too. The ingredients consisted of
Pork Chops, Dijon mustard, Thyme, Parsley, Brussels Sprouts, Carrot, Parsnip, Rosemary, Panko, Garlic, and Lemon.

The steps here were a bit more complex than the other recipe, since I had to mix together the crust with all of the herbs, the panko crumbs, and the Dijon mustard packets. And had to peel the carrot and the parsnip to stick in the oven. Because apparently, since I only buy baby carrots, this is a thing that's done. I'm just so knowledgeable and I can't help it.

Snip snip, parsnip.

I had also never cooked brussel sprouts, and had to cut them all up to saute. This literally took me a half hour. The amount of time that the entire meal should've taken. I cooked the pork first without the topping, then took them out and put them in the over with the topping over them with the parsnips and carrots. I then cooked the sprouts in the same pan with some garlic and lemon juice, and voila.

Restaurant Quality

My thoughts? Wayy too many herbs, they just overwhelmed the flavor of the pork. Slightly less of everything would've worked perfectly. The parsnips and carrots were quite tasty, but the brussel sprouts contained way too much lemon juice. I think in the future, I just won't follow directions as much. But I trusted HelloFresh knew......I trusted.

1. The only dish left is the One-Pot Mexican Quinoa. My favorite you say? The only vegetarian dish? Quinoa over pork!? I know, I was in shock as well. So much so, that I really only have one picture of this entire process.

Bam. Appealing to the eye.

The ingredients consisted of Quinoa, Garlic, Jalapeno, Cumin, Chili Powder, Stock Concentrate, Black Beans, Diced Tomatoes, Corn, Feta, and Avocado. This meal was so amazingly simple and fantastic it was the only one I plan to make again and again. I started the pot with some garlic and a bit of jalapeno, then added in the chili powder and cumin. You then add in the rest of the ingredients with one cup of water and wait for the quinoa to cook through. At the end, you add in the feta cheese and some avocado. If I didn't know I was making quinoa, I wouldn't have realized that's what this essentially was. There was also plenty more food than for two people, so this definitely gave me my dolla's worth.

Would I use HelloFresh again? For a good deal, absolutely. And since they always have a deal, I'd recommend trying it out. I took away some valuable learning experiences and ingredients that I may possibly want to use again. I'm interested in trying out Plated and Blue Apron as well, just to really figure out what the differences are, and obviously get a good deal. So watch out for that. All about that deal life. Now go through with the rest of your day and ponder why Honey Boo Boo got into this blog.

Yuh Liming in Trinidad and Tobago

Oh hey everyone. Remember me? Your state of the art food critic? Yuh know, I've just been busy exploring the world (one country) and eating a lot.

Mostly when drunk. And that woman is my idol

Ahhh Trinidad and Tobago, I'm back and it's all been worthhh it. Worth it because now I can share with you all, my loyal minions, one of the most amazing experiences I ever had. With some of the best foods that I never knew existed, mostly because I only truly discovered this side of my heritage this year. And I am GRATEFUL for it, but mostly for the continuous intense gluttony it brings me. Adding another slew of foods to my repertoire!? Foodie Falz LIVIN THE DREAM.

Maracas Beach-Non-food pic for jealousy purposes

For starters, Trinidad and Tobago had foods that were unlike most that I eat on a regular basis. Mostly because they largely consist of various types of curries, from the strong Indian cuisine influence, and I have never been one to enjoy curry. So, one would assume I would've hated everything I ate, but that was definitely not the case. Considering that I mostly consumed street foods off random carts and small shops by locals throughout my trip, (ya know, like NYC food trucks, but probably without FDA regulations), I will begin with the most popular and must try item: Bake and shark. Shark and bake. Whatever the kids are calling it these days. Consumed at the ever popular and gorgeous beach above, Maracas. Makes me want chant ay ay ayy.

Andrew Zimmerman has eaten here. So I was basically close to fame.

Bake and shark was so good, I had it twice in one day. The bake is fried dough, which is really what every good food consists of: fry or diee. Except excessive fried foods can really do the latter, so forget I said that. The shark is exactly what you would think: those scary critters under the ocean with the sharp teeth that haunt your dreams. From "Jaws" specifically. Except they fry them, so they're just swimming in your stomach in a peaceful manner.

See? Peace. On a bake.

When eating a Bake and Shark, there are a slew of toppings one can put on. Pretty sure mine had tomato, lettuce, cucumber, garlic sauce, some type of thousand island, mustard, ketchup, coleslaw, and not pepper sauce. Because no, I still cannot handle the heat even after discovering my roots. Shame on my face. And after taking a couple bites, and savoring every morsel, I added in the very popular, mango. Because in Trinidad, everything is better with a mango. Curried, chutney, plain from the mango tree, everything is better with it. And I tried every version and every form. And literally miss it every day.

Just being a regular island girl, picking dem mangoes

To continue on my Trini street food binge, I also loved the famous fried (sensing a theme here?) deliciousness of both pholourie and doubles. My first taste of pholourie was acquired when my feisty aunt decided to take the last of the street vendors doughnut hole sized fried split pea dough balls, literally bottom of the barrel ones left. They were about to throw them away, which would've been a crime, and Trini's always speak their mind. Also given to us, because my aunt gracefully asked, was a mango chutney sauce (how I miss thee mangoes) that I can still taste as I think about it. Le sighhh.

Clearly not my photo, but just wait for the appetizing double.

Doubles were not nearly as sweet, but still fried. So that basically means I loved this as well. Made with two bara breads, which is flat fried bread, filled with curried chick peas, and tamarind/mango chutney, yet again with no spicy kick because I continue to be a basic white chick, I devoured these and took this horrifyingly unappetizing picture.

You know you want it

This is making me hungry and I am now legitimately scouring the internet for places where I can get doubles and pholourie in NYC. Please help me in my quest. But I digress. Although those were the top foods, I was also able to try Roti, Oxtail, Pelau, macaroni pie, calla-loo, sweetbread, and the famous Trini breakfast of Bake and Saltfish. Confusing? No idea what any of that means? Let me break it down for yuh.

Surprisingly, I liked the warp roti a lot, which I literally compared to a Mexican burrito, but in Indian esque form. Mine had chicken, curried mango, potato, pumpkin.....I literally cannot remember the rest. It was messy, but it was fantastic. I definitely also ate another type of roti by just dipping the bread, but my brain is fried. From all the fried food I consumed. Yes, I'm aware I'm so incredibly lame sometimes.

Need this in NY. Stat.

Although I won't go into depth about oxtail, because I feel like it's self explanatory/I'm lazy, it had amazing flavors that were easy to eat off the bone. Although let me just say, I only ate it because the place was out of the beloved corn soup, and I wasn't about to delve into cow heel soup. Which probably doesn't make me a true Trini. With the oxtail, I had my last bit of pelau, which was probably my favorite dish of the trip, most likely because it closely resembles my favorite Puerto Rican dish of Rice and Gondules. Made with pigeon peas as well, this dish basically only differs because of the various meats that can be used, (mine had chicken) the addition of mango (duh), and coconut milk. Pair this one with the oxtail instead of pernil, and I'm in heaven.

heart eyes emoji.

Macaroni pie was basically mac and cheese in a pie form. But homemade mac and cheese, not that crappy Kraft stuff. (I cannot make fun of Velveeta.) With an additional kick of Trini style that cannot be replicated. This was served alongside calla-loo, which derives from Africa and is basically made from a leafy vegetable called dasheen, much like okra or collard greens, made with coconut milk, pumpkin, and a slew of spices, and is very soupy in texture. Mix this all together with some stewed chicken, and I had a couple of home-cooked meals.

Homemade sweetbread was something that I was actually able to take home with me, since it was made so often and seemed to be in abundance by my granny. Sweet as the name says, it was made basically from coconut and raisins. This was my go-to food when I was awaiting other meals, which seemed to be more often than not. Gotta love the relaxed island attitude. :)

Last but certainly not least, my aunt made the traditional breakfast of Bake and Saltfish, the bake being the same exact breading we ate with the bake and shark, while the saltfish consisted of tomatoes, onions, flaked saltfish, which is similar to codfish, and various other spices. Paired together with the bake, I think I might've eaten three. Because even in a foreign land, I'm a glutton.

There you have it. Trinidad and Tobago. Lime and grub. Drinking a Carib. Grinding to soca. Starving for some Trini food. I hope I sufficiently made everyone jealous, mostly of the Caribbean if the food ain't your thang. Because is that not the point of the internet nowadays? CORN SOUP foeva. True Trini style.

"The Best of Astoria"= Unbuttoned Pants Glory

I never miss an all-you-can-eat event. Except buffets.

This past Thursday, I went to an eating spectacle in the foodie capital of the world-Astoria, Queens at BBQ mecca The Strand. Ok ok, I wish it was the foodie capital, and a BBQ mecca from Texas, but it does have an enormous amount of food options for a small section in the larger NYC metropolis, and it's great because you can literally find any and every type of cuisine. Variety at its finest. Hosted by a fellow blog site We Heart Astoria, this event brought out the best that Astoria has to offer, from the drag queens to the BBQ, which obviously go hand in hand.

Get it gurls (boyz)

Since I've actually been to a couple of the Best of Astoria winning restaurants, I'm going to include those in here, as well as what I gleefully consumed from The Strand, which may or may not have been a winner....(This is really just my way of adding suspense to keep you here).

To get right down to it, the winner for favorite restaurant in Astoria wasssss (hint: it's not Greek, a hookah lounge, or a beer garden; Astoria surprisingly has other things) Il Bambino! A panini joint. Small plates. Really a rendition of all the new hipster places popping up, but I won't hate, since I've been and really enjoyed it. But me enjoying it doesn't say much, since I enjoy most food all day err day. The give you a jist of what this place caters to, common ingredients include prosciutto, goat cheese, truffle oil, and various other ingredients of high, gourmet quality.

Quality Queens

In a completely contradictory way, the winner for the favorite burger joint AND the favorite vegan/vegetarian friendly restaurant was the same place: BareBurger. Interesting, since BareBurger has more meat options,  than any other venue I've personally been to besides a BBQ place, but I guess these veggie Astoria folk enjoy being surrounded by Ostrich, Lamb, and Bison burgers. All wonderful, unique options for the meat lover of course! Since the meat is organic and natural, I suppose that qualifies as veggie friendly...right. Quinoa burgers def do though, so maybe I should stop judging for once. Obviously, I've been here in regards to the hearty meats, but BareBurger is actually accessible in many parts of the city now besides Astoria, so although it originated here, and I love it greatly, you don't need to be in Astoria to have it. Personally, I think Petey's Burger should've won, (a strong contender, only in the LIC/Astoria area, and basically the best milkshake I've ever consumed) but I'm only speaking of the winners here and cannot digress. And I didn't even vote so my opinion means nothing. All I will say is try the applewood smoked thick cut bacon on whatever burger you wish, cuz OMGAH PARTY IN MY MOUTH. Try it too veggies, and pretend like it's tempeh.

Making myself hungry.

Moving along to breakfast options, even though I should've started with this, the winner for favorite bagel shop AND favorite coffee shop/cafe is: Brooklyn Bagel & Coffee Company. If you know me already, you know how many issues I'm already about to have. ASTORIA DON'T NEED YO BROOKLYN NAME BROOKLYN. Why no call it ASTORIA Bagel and Coffee?? Need the cool factor of hip, young, and trendy Brooklyn to get customers? I come to you regardless, because the REAL issue at hand are these double category winners existing due to the lack of competition. Astoria isn't really ripe with coffee options. Nor is it ripe with veggie options. I know I said it's a food mecca, but everything needs improvement, and this shop named after Brooklyn exemplifies it. Or maybe it just exemplifies that people are go to trendy places. But the bagels and cream cheese are good, just overpriced. Like Brooklyn itself. No surprise there.

This got nothing on the new Taco Bell breakfast menu

Naturally, after breakfast, people talk about street food vendors. I LOVE me some street food, and Astoria has some decent options. The winner, of course, was Wafels and Dinges, one of the original food trucks from Manhattan, which is NOT original to Astoria, but is pretty much the best dessert I've ever eaten. Nutella and speculoos (basically a more delicious form of cinnamon) ice cream and bananas? Obviously this would steal the hearts of locals.

Must-have.

Although Wafels and Dinges actually won, because trendy always wins, the runner-up is actually unique to Astoria and Astoria only. El Rey del Taco truck is a drunk Mexican food haven, which I know because I may or may not have unknowingly gotten extremely spicy food there once while drunk and burned my insides. But please, try it! I just can't handle the heat.

Perfectly safe, I assure you.

Last, but certainly not least, the winner for best BBQ joint (and another combo winner) favorite place to hear music is: The Strand Smokehouse, which is where this lovely event was held. This is where I unbuttoned my pants and almost vomited because you give me the key to unlimited grub and alcohol, and I go all the way to hell. Although I can't say if this BBQ was authentic, since I've never been to Texas or St. Louis or North Carolina (anyone want to sponsor me for trips?) I CAN say that in comparison to other BBQ joints I've tried in this area, I really, really liked this place. We were allowed two meats and two sides, so I chose brisket, chicken, mac and cheese, and cornbread. This was all while I was slopping down appetizers that were passed around, without napkins of course because I'm a ravenous animal. Unfortunately, I was too busy scarfing down the food to take legitimate pictures, but I do remember the appetizers consisting of a fried mac and cheese ball, crab cake, beef bouillon, and bacon wrapped mini hot dogs. I probably had around....7 of these before eating my actual meal. So....in essence...all I have to offer you is this:

I disgust myself, don't worry.

In non-typical Foodie Falz fashion, I couldn't finish it. That's how far I went guys. To the ends of my stomach and beyond. But I have no regrets. Maybe I should.....I HEART ASTORIA.

NYC Restaurant Week

AKA #NYCEatLikeAFatKidWeek

I know. I know. I'm late. With this entire blog and even restaurant week. I have a job people! I'm busy watching the Bachelor and thinking about my next meal.....while watching the Bachelor. No, that's not my job, but if it was I'd have time to keep up with this.

Anyways, back to business. This past week was my favorite time of year! An entire two weeks dedicated to the gluttonous offerings of NYC's food scene! Every year, NYC decides to open the doors of restaurants that you would probably never eat at otherwise (for the peasants that can't afford them) for two weeks in the Winter and Summer months. Three course offerings for a mere $25 lunch and $38 dinner! (used to be $35...crooks). I have celebrated this event in the past, but of course. Multiple times. But never with a food coma because the portions are so small (they get you there). So obviously, I celebrated. I rejoiced. I spent my entire paycheck on every single restaurant offered. I wish that were true, since I really only spent it on one. A lunch. Not even a dinner. But it was fancy and I'd never attend otherwise so that should matter....somewhat.

What is this fancy place of splendor you ask? Tom Colicchios Riverpark, located on the East River overlooking the wondrous Queens. Tom Colicchio is a big time chef, but really I went since it's close to work. And fancy, since I'm basically the peasant that falls for this. You know it's going to be a meal to remember when there's basically a butler service to take your coat and pull your chair out at the table. I've never even had a man do that for me! (Chivalry is dead? Not here). From the start, I knew this was worth my $25 bucks.

RiverPark offered their entire lunch menu for Restaurant Week, which most places rarely do. So props to them on that. Points deducted though for charging extra for certain dishes. If you offer it, keep it within what we are supposed to be spending. I don't want a supplemental fee! Then it basically shouldn't be on the menu. To start, I made a mess by eating this:

It's not jello. With green goo.

This, ladies and gents, is Duck Liver Pâté (I got those accents because I keep it classy...sometimes). Apparently, this is actually the cheapest form of liver, turned into meat paste, unlike foie gras (no accents). Meat paste....sounds appetizing right? I started out eating this with just my fork digging into the pâté ....not realizing the bread was there to put it on. Peasant. Apparently, this dish contained blood orange, pine nuts, and rosemary. I have no idea what the green goo was, but I didn't hate this. It was basically an expensive form of spam.....if you like things like that. But it was delicious and I was glad to try something new. Also, the salad was cute.

This just looks like a slew of pretty colors....but there's fish too.

For the main course, I tested my palate to some Merluza, because I love eating things I've legitimately never heard of before. If you have heard of it, you should take over my food blog. Apparently, with this fish, I was also eating a meyer lemon, fennel, Tokyo turnips, and bok choy. You would think this fish was from somewhere in Asia with the bok choy and turnips named after the capital of Japan, but no, it's basically the Spanish name for Cod. Ya know RiverPark, you could've just said that, rather than make it sound so fancy and high class. This was decent, but I probably should've gotten a leg of lamb, just so I could've said I ate the leg of a baby lamb.

Far too majestic to ingest

For the final course, which was obviously dessert, I had the apple tarte tatin, (couldn't just say an apple tart without that extra e) pictured terribly below:

Still not any form of jello

This consisted of pickled raisins, vanilla cream, walnuts, and apple fennel sorbet. Basically, this was a fancy apple pie. And we all know how much I love apple pie. Skip the apple fennel sorbet and give me some vanilla ice cream, or would that be too much like Applebees? Ok, I accept the sorbet. 

All in all, this entire meal was definitely worth it for a Restaurant Week lunch. I was highly impressed with the fact that although I forgot to put my napkin down on my lap and made it dirty with some duck liver, nobody kicked me out. They cleaned it up with a blade and gave me a new one, all while probably thinking I didn't belong there. Does it get better than that?

The Best and Worsts of 2013 Food Trends

I suck at this blog. No really, I discover things I want to write about and then get caught up in other monotonous activities like Facebook stalking that enable me to forget this exists. To start, I'm a "worst" and need to make a resolution to keep this going for the new year, since I'm SURE everyone who reads looks forward to each and every entry. Right? Let's just pretend this is true,

So 2013 has brought us, if you can believe it, even MORE foodie pretentiousness than ever before. I thought the cupcake trend was bad, but this year has unraveled some of the most insane obsessions that food has ever seen!! Dramatic much? Maybe. But really, how can one top a year where the Ramen Burger AND the Cronut caused lines longer than Walmart on Black Friday?

Insanity

Too bad I never got the chance to try either of them because I have no patience and am not a true food critic, but alas, I will judge all of this anyways. Because this is my blog and I do what I want.

The Best: I love the whole crazy burger thing that happened this year. Ramen burger for the win! Not that I'm never adventurous with food, but with burgers I'm way more likely to let them put anything and everything on it. Burgers with bacon, avocado, and bleu cheese? Why not? Bison with pineapple on top? Let's give it a shot. So many different burger places have opened in NY and across the country over the course of the year, and I've actually tried out a lot of them. And each time, I like experiencing something different. I wouldn't stand on line for that Ramen burger, but it intrigues me and looks delicious, so it can stay. Oh and it also spawned the mac & cheese burger. Enough said.

What could be better?

The Worst: Cronuts. Ok so I haven't tried one. I have no say. I couldn't possibly understand why it's worth it to stand on line for 10 hours only to discover Dominique Ansel has sold out of this croissant/donut hybrid. I'm sure it's delicious, I'm sure people are copying this so much because it's just thatttt great. I love a sugar inducing coma as much as the next person, but this trend has been taken to new heights. At least burgers can remain ever-changing and unique in most settings, very versatile if you will, but the cronut is the cronut, The knockoffs cannot and will not do it better than Dominique Ansel, just like the 10 dolla bag guys selling knock off Gucci. It doesn't work when it comes to this dessert, because he is the original creator and nobody can do that better. Just like whoever started the first food blog, definitely the best that there is and I am the equivalent of a poor knockoff. 

Don't even try

The Best: Barbeque. Many blogs are hating on the fact that these have sprung up in abundance over the past year, but I have tried many and am loving it. Of course, I've meant to write an entry solely on BBQ and i got lazy and forgot. Shame shame. Mighty Quinn's, Delaney's, and Dino BBQ and just some of the ones I have experienced this year alone, and they've all made me feel like the south has come to NY, which is obviously what I like to see. Brisket, ribs, all smothered in smoky, tangy sauce, what's not to love? If it grows any bigger it may become a bit much since this isn't Texas, nor do I want it to be, but for now I'm ok with it.

Gimme some of that brisket

The Worst: Small plates. Really, these are already somewhat dead, but some places don't seem to be getting the hint. If you aren't selling Spanish tapas, there's really no point. And even with tapas, which I love as much as I could, but it's simply not filling when you must spend 10 bucks for two small croquettes. 12 dollars for a tiny bit of chicken. It just leaves my stomach wanting more and my pockets empty, which is probably the whole point. I think places may be starting to get the point, since I haven't seen this grow anymore than it has.

Not even a baby would eat this

The Best: Doritos locos tacos, or just the Doritos inspired taste craze in general. I finally tried this delectable treat at Taco Bell this past month, although not the cool ranch flavor, and I must say, it truly lived up to the name. As I've said before, cheese goes well with just about everything, so a taco flavored cheese shell does the meat inside some justice. It would probably be somewhat weird and become a worst if this goes well beyond taco bell, but hey, anything is possible.

Heaven

The Worst: Sriracha. I'm probably going to get penalized and killed for this, but I hate hot sauce. So that's why I don't like this trend. MY BLOG, MY RULES. It's mostly used in Asian dishes, which also seems to be a hot trend that is never waning. They made flavored chips out of this? Going a tadddd too far. I'm sure it's amazing and great if you enjoy hot sauce, but for me personally, it can stay in the vault.  SORRY.

Spicy Galore

Here's to hoping 2014 brings me more food trucks, and a better ability to keep this up. Now I'm going to play the trumpet while eating too much food. Salud y'all.

Gobble Gobble!

Ready to surrender

Happy Thanksgiving! Thanksgivikkah, however you want to celebrate the grandest, most festive day in food preparation! An entire holiday that centers around a feast! America at its finest, celebrating Pilgrims and Native Americans joining together to be thankful for one land, while only one group ends up surviving. But back to the positivity. A marathon of food consumption until one must unbutton their pants and lay in a food coma. So obviously, naturally, this gluttonous affair is my main squeeze. As I write, I am stuffed by the food that is still largely in my belly. I am thankful for this blog that allows you all to see how gluttonous I can be, and that I have been able to over-consume food that pretty much has no nutritional value whatsoever, while people now shop for materials that have no value whatsoever. What a grand land this is!

As I dwell on the food that's now gone away, I will count down my top 5 favorite traditional Thanksgiving foods, that will not include cranberry sauce, because really people, who LIKES cranberry sauce!? If it ain't made from scratch, it comes out of a can in nasty circles of red jelly flesh that never EVER get eaten by who I'm with. But maybe my family is just too good for that kind of thing.

YUM....appetizing

5. Turkey- The truest meat of the Thanksgiving table of plenty, the turkey represents......America? Gluttony? Our forefathers? I really have no idea, perhaps the Bald Eagle should be the bird we consume, except nobody eats them and that would be strange to see on the table of plenty. So the turkey it is, and the only reason why I enjoy this is because of the skin. The fatty, oily, crispy, skin is one of my favorite foods in the entire world. Give me the skin of any animal that we eat and I will enjoy the skin to the fullest of extents. Talking about this might be making me hungry again when I thought I wouldn't eat for days....

Show me the skinn

4. Carrot souffle- Ok so perhaps this isn't exactly traditional, unless it was made with sweet potatoes, but despite popular belief, I am not a loyalist. I make a mean carrot souffle, because as a food blogger, I have to sometimes promote myself and my cooking skills. So here it is. Made with carrots, which is the only healthy ingredient, and a whole lotta sugar and butter, you get a dish that beats out any sweet potato with marshmallows (which have I said I hate?) combination you may have. And thus, it has become a staple at my Thanksgiving table, brought down by my Aunt who does the same.

Decadent.

3. Lasagna- If you don't eat lasagna or baked ziti or some form of pasta after the soup/salad portion of the billion course meal, you are missing out my friends. Is it traditional? Perhaps not. It is freaking delicious and satisfying? Absolutely. And for my family, even the non Italian side, it is traditional. As it will always be, because cheese and sauce always win in my book. Always.

2. Stuffing-I used to hate stuffing. Like absolutely despise stuffing. For years as a young foodie beginning to discover my distinct (and now noncommittal) palette, I would attempt to try this dish every year. I laugh at that young girl who actually looked at more foods than I do now with disdain, for she was able to choose between options and not stuff her face entirely because she likes everything. (Like the wonderful person I am today). Ah yes, but year after year, my palette would not accept the flavors associated with stuffing. I like to think this was because I had an affinity for richer tasting foods, that I somehow lost in college when I was forced to eat anything remotely food-like from near poverty and appreciated all that I had. And in that appreciation came a love and (finally!) a fancy for stuffing. Especially one with sausage, and the one that I ate tonight (shout out to my cuzz) because that adds an extra flavor kick. Who knew pieces of bread with some spices and veggies could one day because my 2nd favorite Thanksgiving food? I could see my younger self cringing at the thought.

1. Pumpkin/Butternut squash/Soups- How typical. My favorite part of the meal WOULD be the first course. Where your stomach isn't inflating like a balloon, you are still just tipsy enough to enjoy the food but not want to vomit it up, and your taste buds are raging because in my family, we never eat until 8:00, 7:30 if one is lucky. So as always, the first course is always soup/salad, and I LOVE me so traditional Thanksgiving soups. The veggies are always used in a way that doesn't overtake the creamy taste, nor make it seem too healthy. Always made from the freshest of ingredients, with lots of heavy cream, I always scarf it down and then lick the bowl clean, and then proceed to lick other bowls clean, because remember how I have no shame?? Ok I'm lying, about the licking other bowls clean part, because I have done this to my own bowl. Stop judging me.

Too busy licking my bowl for a real picture....

Would it be too much to say I'm almost hungry again? Is that humanly possible after this monstrosity of a plate? You be the judge. Happy Thanksgiving!

I swear kept my dignity

Candy Should be its Own Food Group (Halloween Edition)

Boo! Did I scare you? Did I perhaps fool you since no true, uptight food blogger would actually want to consider CANDY a food group!? That's for the peasants who think candy corn is the best! (No offense dear friends with a love of this...that I will never understand)

Not appealing to the eye

For me, and every other person who celebrates this holiday unless you have no soul,  Halloween is all about the candy, the GOOD candy, not that fruity crap that people think is candy. Ok, it's candy, but I'm not a fan. No, rich woman with a large, white home, I do not want mints or lifesavers. I want the chocolate! Give me caramel! I want my teeth to struggle with the cavities being inflicted upon them!

In honor of this day full of treats and tricks, but I'm only in it for the treats, I will now count down my top 5 favorite Halloween candies. It is almost a guarantee that you will not find Swedish fish, gummy bears, and especially not CANDY CORN. Sorry. Except not.

5. Snickers- You know what's great about snickers? That people with large homes that weren't run by older ladies would give out HUGE FOOT LONG BARS.

Hungry? GRAB A SNICKERS

Was that not the best thing in the world? Or only the best thing in my world? Caramel and peanuts and chocolate?? Pretty much the top three best combinations of combinations ever invented, except I also need a crunch factor.

4. Kit Kat-Gimme a break, gimme a break. Just for their little commercial jingle, I love kit kats. And for the fact that they consist of the perfect amount of chocolate and crunch with the wafer bar underneath. But they aren't good enough for the top 3. Tragic.

3. Nestle Crunch-One could say these are boring, nothing candies full of chocolate and krispy crunchies (or maybe only I would use the word "crunchies") but I used to get so excited when these were in my little pumpkin bucket. And pillow case. Perhaps in college one year....but who's to say. I just love the crunch factor...hence the name.

2. Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups- I love peanut butter. I love peanut butter. I cannot get enough of my peanut butter. Peanut M&Ms would've been included if I made a top 10, but as I'm sure all have concluded by now, I am the laziest food blogger ever. These peanut butter cups are pure perfection. Just enough chocolate on the outside to savor the peanutty butter on the inside. I could eat one every day and be totally satisfied. When Reese's pieces came out, they did not measure up to my butter cups. But Reese's pieces cereal (which probably isn't sold anymore due to everyone being a health food fanatic)  was quite possibly the most delicious, memorable cereal I've had had. Along with my number one, I could eat these all day every day. If it wasn't unhealthy since society now realizes how fat I will become.

OM NOMM NOM

1. Twix

Welcome to the GOLDEN HOLY GRAIL

Everyone I know loves twix. I don't know a single soul who doesn't love twix. If you don't like twix, you don't deserve Halloween candy. Am I a bit much? Maybe. But that's how much I love twix. The buttery, crunchy biscuit with the caramel and chocolate literally makes me sing with joy.

I hope everyone also gets bubble gum, peanut M&M's, milky ways, and anything else that has peanut butter (100 Grands!) because they all deserve honorable mentions.

Also, as a wise man once told me, "Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't have a fright, and remember, always keep on the light."